Sorry, that's what I was
by AnubisLoki
Summary: Loki never thought that it would all come down to this. He could never say how sorry he was for everything that he had done and now he was going to make everyone's lives better or so he thought. Sorry suck at summaries, character death, harm, depression, suicide note.


Sorry

Sorry. That's what I was, sorry. I was sorry for so many things but no matter how many times I said it they would never believe me, why should they? After all they were right weren't they? I was a monster a terrible, ruthless, vile, monster only bent on chaos and destruction, it was everything but the truth and yet it was the truth. I did do those terrible things and I don't know why helping defeat the dark elves would change anything at all, I was still a monster, still evil using my tricks, and they would never forgive me for my crimes but that meant nothing to me.

I thought that after the war things could get better but I was wrong they only got worse. I don't know where it all got so bad but I realized how much colder everything became, how numb I felt and the true sting of blood staining fragil skin, I became more isolated and never realy left my room. The scars were the worst though they covered every inch of my body, and even if I can't see some I can still feel the blade run across the skin, splitting as fresh blood stained my pale figure but it was those scars that brought the thoughts, the thoughts of death. Everything would be better if I was gone, if I just vanished I doubt anyone would be upset over my suicide they'd probably think it was a good thing. At first I had control over it, how many cuts, how deep, I cleverly hide the pain but now I'm done, I've given up on it all. Nothings going to get better, they wont forgive me, and no matter what it'll never be like before again.

(Tears brimed his eyes but Loki didn't mind at all.)

The sad thing is that I was never cared for, it was all a lie. Who I was, where I came from, it was all a lie and only I wanted to prove that I was just as worthy as Thor but because of the freak that I was that's all they saw me as. I doubt even Frigga cared for me, she probably pretended that someone cared at all when really none of them ever did nor ever would.

(The tears began to fall but still Loki didn't mind, didn't even move to brush them away, just letting them fall.)

I never thought that it'd get to this, I never thought that someday I'd be sitting here writing the last words any of them would ever hear from me. It never crossed my mind that one day I'd end up a harmer, contemplating every night, suicidal, it never crossed my mind that one day I would end up like this, but I suppose that's enough for I know no one would feel sympathy and that's not what I want so onto the true note.

Thor-I know you thought that I could change, that there was good inside of me and you were right but I still can't go on living like this knowing all that I know now. Don't blame yourself for my death you were the greatest brother that I could ever have.

The Warriors Three-I speak to you as a whole for that's how I've always seen you as. You're always together working as a team and I look foundly back on the days when I called you my friends.

Banner-Thor please let him know that he's not a freak, nor a monster but a great man who has wonderful friends that will stand by his side no matter what. I wish him the best of luck.

The Avengers-I never thought that I would actually have something to say to you guys but it was fun while it lasted, I enjoyed the chase but I have come to realize that while you may not be related in any way you're still a team, a family at that. Keep that bound together for there will always be enemies stronger then myself.

(More tears streaked Loki's face but behind them he smiled remembering all the good to those he was leaving a message for. The good doctor who battled a similar sin as himself, the Avengers always having each others backs no matter what, the Warriors who used to be his only friends, Thor. Loki would miss Thor that much he knew. But Loki began to finish the letter despite his shaking hands and the marks on the note from fallen tears.)

I have no more words that I wish to say, there's not much left to tell anyways. I'm sorry for all the trouble and pain that I have caused everyone and I hope everything is truly better without me there.

(Loki took his blade and wrote _SORRY_ on his writst, he swallowed the pain as well as the handful of pills that sat on his desk. As he starred into the darkness his eyes began to close on the world for eternity. He thought that by dying everyone would be happier but he was wrong, he had caused even more pain especially for Thor and the Warriors Three. Thor tried everything to save his younger brother but unfortunetly he was to late and after some time he went to the Avengers and shared with them Loki's note, by the end they were all in tears and wished to attend his funeral rite.

Never had such a crowd gathered and no one would have guessed that it was for the dead Prince had they not known before that Loki was now dead. But it seemed like everyone blamed themselves and began to see the good in Loki all but Odin who stayed firm to his opinion that Loki's passing was good, but even though he didn't attend the ceremony the Allfather sat crying for the loss of his adoptive son.)

_Prince Loki_

_God of Lies_

_"__I never wanted any of this _

_I only wanted to be your equal."_

_In this quest I have hurt more people_

_Then I meant to and for this _

_I am truly sorry._


End file.
